Wednesday, 30 May 2018

First World Problems Part Deux



So here I am again, complaining, like my previous post on In-Flight-Entertainment-Regret which isn't a regret at all really as any writing for this keeps my friends and family informed and my Mum happy. 

Things are getting ridiculous though. There are many ridiculous things in Londontown.

Notice also that I am denigrating my own complaints by calling them First world problems. Which they totally are. 

Today was the day that I attended a scheduled, pre-arranged appointment with a bank I am already a customer of in Melbourne.

No such appointment existed. 

They then proceeded to refuse my scanned, signed letter from my new employer. They then proceeded to ask me a million questions, my six previous addresses and my tax number in Australia. 

Then I proceeded to go to a site visit for one of my new projects. Again, no such appointment existed. 

In commuting to these futile missions I compiled a black list in my head of stupid, avoidable First World Problems that I have encountered in my time here. 

Signed documents. Surely we have progressed enough that a digital signature is sufficient. 

Fax machines. Again, surely we have progressed enough so that these ancient beasts are all shipped off to a museum where they belong. 

Stationery orders. Surely we have progressed enough so that the Office Managers in our work places can't wield their power at whim when we ask them to do basic functions of their roles. Still need those USB sticks though... and sadly I still print. Project schedules are only readable in A3, and my job is to essentially, sell the schedule. I will employ any means necessary.

Meetings. Surely since London is so old fashioned (see above) she would be old fashioned enough to apply the sacred rule of honouring an agreed, prearranged appointment. 

My Amex card. It's not accepted everywhere, even (and especially) if a salesperson says it is. 

Cobblestones. They hurt my feet. They are particularly unpleasant in high heels and on flat shoes that are filled up with rain. I used to struggle in Temple Bar, Dublin and I'm struggling now (as I work in Covent Garden, London).

Printers. Although my transition into my new workplace was relatively smooth, I had to jump through hoops to get my printer working. I was astonished that the person I share an office with has been here three weeks and hasn't got her own printer sorted, even though the ink was sitting on a shelf in the next room. 

Having two smartphones, one Android, one Apple. Like OMG what do I do. Learn different operating systems I guess. 

Note: I love my new job and everyone is lovely, in the unlikely scenario they read this. First World Problems, these are not supposed to be taken seriously. 

But wait, I have more. 

Vegan food. It's simple. Nothing from an animal. This includes mayo and sour cream. Yes I know, mindblowing isn't it?

Privacy discussions. You will get funny looks at the bank if you take note of the epic proportions of data sharing between agencies in the UK and you will get funny looks if you joke about getting your own security questions wrong. 'Har har only kidding folks, I have nothing to hide, keep calm and carry on...' seriously. I have nothing to hide. 

Can we all remember that this institution will make money out of me, the customer?

A lack of public toilets. Here in the Developed World, where we are advised by our state-of-the-art doctors to drink two litres of water a day, there are no fucking public toilets. They mostly exist in pubs where I have purchased a lovely Australian red just to use their facilities. The irony of having to drink a diuretic to use the loo is not lost on me. 

Walking on the right lane through revolving doors, on escalators and public transport underground routes, but driving in the left lane?! 

That's it, the European influence has spiraled out of control; it's time to Brexit ourselves out of here. 

Humidity and rainy weather. Is it hot? Is it cold? Why am I sweating in my summer dress when it's cloudy outside? This is a huge injustice! I demand weather clarity! I did not come from Auckland and Melbourne to suffer through Four Seasons in One Day, again. Clearly this is my fate and I should work for the Bureau of Meteorology instead.

Speaking of...

Public sector jobs. Yes I know, boo hoo, safe lovely jobs with perks and a community-minded socially aware workforce. 

Also places where dreams and creativity sometimes go to die. A long, excrutiating and slow death masked by the shadow of IT and procurement requests and former Deputy Prime Ministers who claim that LGBTI people can in fact choose, but they themselves 'can't choose who they fall in love with.' (WTAF - if you need me to spell out that acronym for you I won't.)

I am completely OK with all my bosses, previous and current, reading this. I know they all agree. 

Thank you for reading my pathetic problems. 

Work is done for the day, time to find somewhere to live; a problem everyone on this planet can relate to. 

Sunday, 27 May 2018

The Wonderful, Incredible, Historic Isle of Wight



A place where madness is not only tolerated, it is encouraged.

I am staying in the family home of a friend I met in Sydney ten years ago. It is like a castle. And for good reason, there's been plenty of royalty here.

I knew Miss Darling was special when I met her - as did everyone else. Once in Sydney she worked somewhere for only a week and other staff members were crying at her farewell morning tea.

The rest of the family are like that too. Eccentric and extremely likable. I keep making comparisons to my own family, so many similarities; and then I found out I actually have relatives on the Isle of Wight.

This explains a lot.

They are also very hospitable and more than polite. It is a privilege to stay here with them.

The Isle of Wight is the largest and second-most populous island in England. Only two-and-a-half hours from London by train and ferry.

When I stepped onto her shores I was bought back to books I read in my younger days, the Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and the Famous Five. Those holidays to the country where imagination, adventure and mystery thrived. It has made me realise how British my culture is; I never thought I had much culture at all. 

Right now, one of the Darlings is opening his birthday cards, freshly delivered in his letterbox. Again, so traditional and very British.

And this is me right now. 



The house is Georgian, St Mildred’s Church next-door.

‘Do you ever see any ghosts?’

‘Oh yeah loads, some of them were really nasty, they used to try and push people down the stairs.’

‘How did you get rid of them?’

‘With great difficulty, some of them didn’t go willingly, I can tell you that for free.’

There is a well in the garden outside. The family have looked at old maps going back 400 years, the well never features at all so the conclusion is that the well is much older than that.
There was naval training close by in the past and by default, a naval cemetery, which perhaps accounts for some of the ghosts.

I’m not very psychic, but I don’t sense any bad spirits here. I slept well and woke late. It was so quiet.

The most astonishing thing about this house is that Queen Victoria used to visit here and had strong connections to St Mildred’s next door.

The stone floors when you walk into the house are ancient and worn, the kind of wear and tear that only happens after hundreds and hundreds of years.

The best thing about this house is that you can book it on AirBnb. I can’t recommend it enough.

I was just delivered an Observer (the Sunday version of The Guardian) by the Matron of the House, because she knows I’m left-leaning. Lol, so left-leaning I will topple over any second.

They have convinced me to stay another night.

And I have convinced my family to come stay here when they visit.

Last night we walked down a grass path to get to The Folly for dinner. They even do vegan food. 



An absolutely lovely evening. 

The big clock in the house has chimed again, it is time for relaxing. 

Very happy Albino Kiwi right now. 




Friday, 25 May 2018

Recipes for happiness

25.05.18

So now that I have a job sorted, one giant reason to worry less, naturally my mind jumps to panic mode.

'What the AF are you doing?!'

'You are SO far away from home - a whole day away even!'

'You're stuck here now.'

The thing is, I'm not good at having nothing to worry about. My life needs some sort of passionate, worthy cause. My form of relaxing is carbs, Netflix and getting under the covers. It's brilliant but I always feel worse afterwards and it generally doesn't last longer than a day. 

Like yesterday.

I caught up on The Handmaid's Tale and started a new show called Dear White People (almost managed the whole first season). Both seriously excellent. But after staring at a screen all day my sleep was terrible. 

I waited all day until it was a decent hour in New Zealand and my sister, Mum and brother all received a phone call from a slightly manic Albino Kiwi.

'Oh my GAWD what are you worrying about?'

'You've really landed on your feet.'

'You're amazing!'

Thanks whanau.

When does our inner critic become our biggest fan? It's ridiculous. I am ridiculous. See, there we go again.

So how have I been? Realising things. I've given myself stern instructions to work on my own happiness. All good things take work; you think happiness is just handed to us on a plate? Think again.

For me:

1. Exercise
2. Mindfulness (this can be included under exercise, particularly if you do running or yoga - also I prefer active mindfulness as it is difficult)
3. Connection and staying social
4. Giving back

Keva, Callan, Jamie and Abbey. I call this, 'Band of Cats.'

5. Being authentic, being yourself and not apologising for your strange traits. 

Obviously I don't condone being a serial killer but you get the idea. 

So there we go. My recipe for happiness.

And how was my day?

I spent the morning in the Department for Work and Pensions getting my National Insurance number. Another prospective holder of a NINO was subject to the most horrible, patronising and racist Q & A by some awful civil servant who no doubt voted for Brexit. I wish I had said something.

See? Not being authentic carries regret. Way worse for the other guy though.

Next time it happens, I am going to give a lecture on basic human respect and on The Great Things Immigration does for our Economy. 

Later on I went to the bank, my fifth attempt at signing myself up to an institution that makes money out of me and doesn't give much back. I finally have an appointment on Wednesday, oh the tediousness. 

I don't know how people get things done here - you have to match tediousness with tenaciousness.

Tonight, a Brazillian Jiu-Jitsu class and tomorrow, the Isle of Wight. 

Happiness doesn't come when you are sitting around.


Wednesday, 23 May 2018

On being OK with your own company


23.05.18

I used to cringe and have the desire to hit things when well-meaning people waxed lyrical to me about "being OK in my own company."

I’ll start this post by saying, ‘I wish I had more friends in London.’ I always wish I had more friends. But there is a certain satisfaction in genuinely stating, ‘I am OK with my own company.’

I wouldn’t recommend this path. It was a long and winding road of over two years, of various ups and downs, of fostering nine cats at a time, of avoiding going home at all. 

But I’m finally here. Happy. 

I feel like Carrie off Sex and the City without the casual flings.

I spent my afternoon doing various life admin and helping a good friend apply for a job. Amazing really, how often people ask me to write their applications for them; some successful, some not, but better applications nonetheless. The thing is, any writing is better with a sub-editor. It was a privilege to do this as this person is about five pay grades above me and was also the one who introduced me to project monitoring; something I love doing. Mentors are so rare in this world and I have been so lucky to have them. I know now, they have been lucky to have me too.

In India I was confronted with the fact that I am an unmarried 31-year-old female. I couldn’t avoid it - I was asked almost every day - and then I was asked why. After the first few days I just told people to go fuck themselves, but it really did make me think about why. The answer is simple: choice. 

I’ve had so many opportunities to couple up and get married and make babies. But I can’t fake that stuff. It has to be real for me. I’m not looking for perfection and I’m not looking for standardisation either. If I think about it, it has been an easy and natural choice.

I was brought up by such a strong and independent female that it is no wonder I am the way I am.

This path is not what society tells us to do, it is not a choice that every woman has and I welcome it with three arms. 

Bless this period in my life. 

If I was not single, I would not be in London. I would not have a passion for Jiu-Jitsu, I would not have got into animal rescue, my friendships would not have deepened; everything would be different. 

I am so grateful.

Anyway, so I went to Covent Garden to get my passport photocopied and to fill in a form for the tenth time for the same company, still having to go into my phone to get my correct mobile number and current post code. Fun times! 

It was time for a haircut. 

Cringingly expensive, I dolled out £64 for a cut and blow dry. I almost cut it shoulder-length but pulled myself back just in time. It’s OK to be sporadic in life but that doesn’t mean you have to get a bad haircut. I love long hair. I don’t care if it’s in bad condition, let it grow, let it grow, let it snow! (not with dandruff.) 

My hairdresser was this impossibly sophisticated European man with a curly and impeccably-groomed moustache. He was beautiful and professional. 

But usually in Melbourne I just go to Russell Street in the CBD and get a beautiful Asian person to cut my hair for half - cough, a third - of the price. It’s uncomfortable being racially-selective for my haircuts but I can’t recommend the hairdressers on Russell Street enough. And I do that every six months. I don’t care that sometimes I have to rip knots out of my hair, it is the price of long hair. Nonetheless, a positive experience, and I am a creature of habit, so I will probably go back for this £64 goodness. 

He also didn’t make small talk with me, even though I tried to. He just let me read the Economist in peace. 

It’s hard to find a good hairdresser. 

I went for a bit of a stroll after my cover letter favour, full of chilli peanuts and shiraz from a gorgeous pub in the centre of London. It’s funny how important you look on a laptop in a pub. People leave you alone and assume that your work is so important. I always used to think people like that were twats. 

I ended up on campus of the London School of Economics and Political Science, which is funny, because it would be a dream to study here one day. Maybe one day. 

I have five more days of freedom in London before I get sucked into the 9 to 4:30 (hilarious hours in my new job). 

These days are my oyster (with my oyster card har har); sure I was expecting more time off, but I’m also excited to work, and I feel very lucky. It’s also good to be writing. 

The biggest privilege and personal milestone though, is that I am content, just like this, right now, right here.

Just like this.  

Just this. 

Tuesday, 22 May 2018

6 days and 6 nights in London

Taken opposite Madison London, against St Paul's backdrop


This is what my days have been like:

Wake early, do some appointment / recruitment registration / job interview / printing and head home. Apply for jobs. Try and exercise (or not). Watch the second season of 13 Reasons (whyyyy I don't know, I find it so hard to get into shows so when I find one I like, I binge watch). Repeat. 

I've attempted to start a bank account here, but it turns out that my account back home wasn't, in fact, global and I have somehow managed to freeze that account by failing to answer my own security questions. Fail. Made worse by the fact I have done this three times in a row. 

WTF could I have got wrong in spelling my own Mother's Maiden Name?!

This has resulted in me having to FAX a form to Australia. Just to change my address with them.

I hobbled along London's streets going into all the museums and actually found a working fax machine, they charged me £15 to send my form. 

Fax machines, I gotta hand it to ya - still lucrative. 

Apparently this ancient artifact is a "secure" way of sending things - can't be hacked - and is a preferred method of the yanks, according to the guy in the fax machine museum. 

I thought the SMS and phone networks were some of the least secure? Is there some sort of special fax network? And I don't know about you, but whenever I send a fax at work, it takes six attempts before it actually goes through and the pathetic blurry black marks on the page are transmitted through space.

Thrilling stuff. That and the dramas with the AirBnB hosts (whom I am avoiding like the plague), it's action-packed here.

So I'll tell you about my weekend instead.

Friday night was spent with a lovely school friend and I had the most delicious felafel ever. She also took me to Madison Rooftop bar, which was full of tossers trying to be sophisticated with their plastic champagne glasses but the day was lovely and sunny and spirits were high.

Just kidding, I am SO not cool enough for Madison's but at least I know what champagne glasses should be made of. And it was probably a health and safety thing. 

Saturday. Big Day Out, London styles. Too many Kiwis than I care to count. Thanks to the legendary Clint Heine of the infamous Kiwis in London page, I was able to attend on Saturday.


Day drinking is always a challenge.


You need to have a big breakfast, drink lots of water and take it easy. I tried. 


Let me describe the Big Day Out, London. Rare London sunshine, thousands of Kiwis, many Maori. Lots of rugby. Lots of Kiwi accents.



What do I remember? Megan's DRESS! 


Portaloos and stinging nettles. Expensive bogan beer (Export, VB, Tui, Tooheys). Catching up with old and making new (very new, spring chicken 20-year-old friends).

Seriously excellent music. Really nice people. A few naked rugby players. Hilarious commentary of the Royal Wedding. 


Hot sun piercing through our sunscreen. Vegan paella. A Danish girl called Panella. 


I came across a Kebab stop near Hammersmith Station after. I desperately needed caffeine. The person before me, his card declines. He is allowed to go with his food anyway.


'Not my money'. The staff member says with a cheeky grin. Somebody is not getting paid enough.


The fall of capitalism will happen one step at a time, my friends.


I went to the birthday party at Studio 88


Again, very sophisticated. It was worth the wait as I actually met some English people and ended up deep in conversation for several hours (I believe the bubbles, shots and cocktails helped). 

A brilliant day and evening. 

A brilliant weekend. What a way to kick off, London.

Oh, and I got a job today, they were kind enough to write a letter to where I am staying so I wasted £15 at the fax museum; I'll just go with another bank. 

It's good because I was actually going to go for an interview in Taunton tomorrow, 3.5 hour's train ride away - I don't know how but I applied for a job there. No sense of direction.

But I must have something going for me - I was expecting more of a holiday but can't complain.

Here's to the new role. 






Sunday, 20 May 2018

AirBnBs and other people





Other people. 

Love 'em, hate 'em, we have to deal with them.

People are my thing. I am an extreme extrovert; I get my energy from other people, their validation is life or death to me, it's very upsetting when I find myself rubbing up people the wrong way. 

But I do. It's impossible not to. In fact, the more people who I interact with (which is typically always a lot, no matter where I am living), the more likely it is for me to make enemies. 

I've definitely come to terms with it but it took many years. I'm so grateful my teens and twenties are over, nights where I would be far too upset over some twat who said something mean. 

'Scuse my language, but fuck that shit. 

So tonight was the moment I knew that I would never add my AirBnB hosts to social media. Not that that was on the agenda. 

I simply do not understand why people who do not like other people, choose to live with other people.

Suck it up. 

Shell out on a one-bedroom. 

Make the world a better place, so we do not have to see your face. 

Passive aggression is blatantly obvious to the emotionally intelligent. 

And lastly, DO NOT agree to make your home an AirBnB.

So when I arrived in London on Thursday I was instantly criticised by the housemate of the host, for waiting outside and not pressing the buzzer (there was no one home anyway, a fact I had been informed of).

The first thing she did was start bagging the previous AirBnB guest. 

The second, third, fourth and fifth things were to criticise my doing of absolutely everything (like, for example, existing).

The sixth thing she did was nag her boyfriend 136 times in the space of 20 minutes, an ordeal I had to leave the room for. 

How do these people get so far in life?

My presence here is an unwelcome one, that much is obvious. A privilege I am paying money for. 

And for a clean person, she doesn't even understand the concept of bleach. An excellent , disinfecting and cheap cleaning product. I know this, because the toilet isn't sparkling white. 'Scuse the TMI.

I will never understand alpha females. I will never understand people with controlling tendencies. I've faced far too many of them and the experience is one of acute unpleasantness. 

I feel sorry for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but it doesn't mean I tolerate spending time with them. 

I've also lived on my own for over a year.

Who knows. Maybe the problem is me. I know one of my problems is sensitivity; both a blessing and a curse

I have my own OCD, I guess - I just worry about different things. Thanks for letting me blow off some steam. 




Decoding the myth - an evidence-based alternative to culling cats


Below is something I hastily finished putting together this afternoon, in time for midnight in Australia. 

If anyone is interested, the Victorian Government is planning to class feral cats as pests, which would be catastrophic (pun SO intended) for innocent cats that roam on government land managed by the Department of Environment, Land, Water and Planning (DELWP) or Parks Victoria. 

This has largely been done under the radar with small token attempts at stakeholder engagement (because they are legally obliged to). The only reason cat rescues in Melbourne became aware was because of the diligence of our members. 

We have requested meetings with the elected members responsible for Labor's Animal Welfare Action Plan but have probably been dismissed as crazy cat people (which is true) but nonetheless we are unarguably Subject Matter Experts on the elusive, the beautiful, the incorrigible felis catus. And we often pick up the slack of local councils when it comes to animal control. 

So this awful proposal means that Departmental staff (and their extremely ominous "agents", most likely Shooters, Fishers and Farmers political party members) will be able to shoot cats. 

Am I correct in identifying the only feral ones in this situation? 


20 May 2018

Decoding the myth: an evidence-based alternative to culling cats

Dear Department of Environment, Land Water and Planning.

There comes a time in every policy-maker’s life where one is faced with the choice to embrace evidence-based decision making with short-lived populism. Good decisions are ones that are not only more effective in the long-term, but kinder to all Australians.
We understand that this is your purpose; it is ours, too.

This submission will illustrate why this will reflect negatively on the Andrew’s Government. We will also demonstrate the lack of evidence for the relationship between cat culling and improved outcomes for wildlife, and we will present better alternatives to you than the Feral Cats Declaration.

Summary points:

1.       This will be unpopular in the Victorian community
2.       Risk to stray and domesticated roaming cats
3.       This is an open contradiction to the Victorian Government’s Animal Welfare Plan
4.       A lack of evidence
5.       This proposal is unsuitable for Victoria’s open environmental system
6.       It is not possible to measure the success of this initiative, end-to-end
7.       A waste of resources
8.       Suggestions from the Cat Rescue Community

We suggest that research is done on cat and wildlife numbers in kill and no-kill areas - instead of being classed as a pest, wild cats are 'prohibited' from being in highly bio-diverse areas. We also strongly suggest the humane method of Trap-Neuter-Return (TNR) be introduced.
                             


 Notes on our submission:

*We have referenced Alley Cats Allies (https://www.alleycat.org/), a non-profit organisation. We acknowledge the bias that may exist in this organisation, however have used the academically-referenced parts of their material and believe this to be an excellent resource, even though it is secondary information.

*You will notice that we have tried to avoid the term ‘feral’ cat and for our purposes, we prefer to use the term ‘wild’ (cat who lives 3–5 kilometers from nearest human dwelling. Derives no benefit of food or shelter from humans), which is also useful is differentiating between stray cats (cat who derives some food or shelter from humans)



1. This will be unpopular in the Victorian community

In 2015, 23.6% of Australians 14+ reported owning at least one cat (Roy Morgan Research 2016). Cats are companion animals for many people and there is usually only a few generation’s difference between wild* cats and their domestic counterparts. We at Cheltenham Cat Rescue often see the impossible become possible; cats with little to no past human contact can be socialised within months, with the right care. If you think that there is a world of difference between a wild and a domesticated cat, you are likely to be mistaken. Companion, wild and stray cats are all part of the same species, felis catus.

More and more young people are making ethical choices for animals in Victoria’s largest city. On April 28, 2018, 3,000 animal rights supporters marched in Melbourne (The Age 2018), preceding Labor’s call to end Live Sheep Export on May 3 (ABC News 2018). It goes without saying that this growing constituency would find the shooting of innocent cats abhorrent, along with many other voters who are against cruelty to animals.

This is Labor’s opportunity to show that it can increase its relevance for young people; many more of whom are voting for the Greens in crucial inner-city seats.

It seems that because of the disproportionate voice of the Shooters, Fishers and Farmers Party and misguided environmentalists, this proposal is up for discussion – not to mention happening under the radar. But it doesn’t have to be this way.

2. Risk to stray and domesticated roaming cats

This proposal implies that cats will not be scanned for microchips before being culled. Imagine the Victorian community’s response when their beloved, micro-chipped companion animals are shot and killed for roaming outside.

Note that at our cat rescue we advocate for keeping cats indoors.

3. This is an open contradiction to the Victorian Government’s Animal Welfare Plan

You have highlighted the need for a ‘modern Animal Welfare Act (Animal Welfare Action Plan December 2017)’. You have invited our consultation, so please entertain our insights on what exactly constitutes modern animal welfare in the Victorian Community. Let us present to you our interpretation.

Your vision statement states that you want ‘A Victoria that fosters the caring and respectful treatment of animals.’ What is the point of a vision statement when the actions you take with this plan openly contradict care, respect and even science.  

Your purpose is ‘To ensure Victoria continues to improve animal welfare and is well respected globally for animal welfare practices.’ This proposal is and will be opposed by animal rescue groups, who will be vocal and attract criticism to the Andrew’s Government.
You aim to have ‘compliance and enforcement that is efficient and effective.’ In our section on lack of evidence below we will prove that repeated, global attempts at cat culling have been ineffective. If something is ineffective it is not possible for it to be efficient.

Your plan refers to evidence-based decision making and the importance of science. ‘Science demonstrates that animals are sentient. This means they experience feelings and emotions such as pleasure, comfort, discomfort, fear and pain. Sentience is the primary reason that animal welfare is so important.’ If it is sentience that is most important to the Andrew’s Government then this proposal is a massive contradiction of what you say outwardly, versus what is being proposed quietly.

Lastly, your own Agriculture Minister, the Hon Jaala Pulford is pictured with her companion cat. This not only makes the face of your organisation look hypocritical; it is offensive to the whole cat species whom you are claiming to have compassion for.  

Please note that we have been attempting to secure a meeting with your Minister since 2017 and despite the criticisms of your government we may state below, we would like nothing more than a harmonious working relationship with your members.

4. A lack of evidence

No causal link exists between culling wild cat populations and better outcomes for native wildlife.

Studies show that the overwhelming cause of wildlife depletion is destruction of natural habitat due to manmade structures, chemical pollution, pesticides and drought – not wild cats. The United States government tracks how many birds, for example are killed through anthropogenic causes (Erickson 2011) and cats do not make that list.

There is even groundbreaking evidence released in 2014 (Lazenby) that ‘Compared with the average, the minimum number of feral cats known to be alive (MKTBA) for feral cats during the pre- and post-culling surveys, cat numbers increased by 211% and 75%, respectively, during the 13-month period of culling at the Mount Field and Tasman Peninsula study sites.’
Studies prove that cats are not a significant threat, especially when compared to the very real dangers from human activities, and that they play important roles in balancing the local ecosystem. For example, they often step in to fill the place of now extinct or greatly diminished small predators.

We note that the wildlife species used as justification for this proposal are mostly birds.

You may be interested to know that wild cats are opportunistic feeders - they will eat whatever food is easiest to find. For many wild cats, people’s garbage is a main source of food. Just as cats 10,000 years ago were attracted to the easy, consistent food source that the first human settlements provided, wild cats today scavenge on the scraps that all human habitats inevitably produce. A study of a feral cat colony in Brooklyn found that the cats depended more on local garbage for food than on either prey or food provided by caregivers, and that the neighborhood produced enough garbage to feed three times more cats than actually lived in that area (Grayson et al 2007), (Alley Cat Allies 2018).

If cats hunt, they prefer rodents. The staunchest opponents of Trap-Neuter-Return (TNR) would prefer having all outside cats be rounded up and killed instead of allowed to continue their lives outdoors. They mislead the public.

Decades of studies prove that when cats do hunt, rodents and insects are the prey they hunt and consume the most. Studies have shown cats to be far more efficient hunters when they sit and wait for prey - outside a rodent burrow, for example - than when they stalk and pounce, the way they approach birds. As opportunistic feeders, cats are more likely to go for your garbage, eat bugs, or sit and wait to catch rodents than take their chances chasing birds who can easily spot them and fly away (Alley Cat Allies 2018).

The complexity of the Victorian ecosystem needs to be considered. If you understand ecosystems, removing cats is worse for everyone. Opponents of TNR often call for cats to be trapped and killed or relocated to protect wildlife. Since there is no evidence that cats are a species-endangering threat to any of our bird species, there’s no foundation for calls to remove and/or kill outdoor cats from [our] landscape. Cats play a complex role in local ecosystems and cannot simply be removed from any environment without consequences. The scientific phenomena; compensatory predation, the mesopredator release effect and the vacuum effect all illustrate why removing cats is harmful to the entire habitat, and why TNR is truly the best approach (Grayson et al 2007), (Alley Cat Allies 2018).

Compensatory Predation is also something to consider. Although cats do occasionally prey on other animals, taking a bird here or there doesn’t necessarily impact the survival of the species. Evidence suggests that cat predation is often “compensatory predation” - preying on animals that would likely have died anyway from disease or hunger. Studies show that the animals caught by predators are generally weaker and more diseased than those killed by manmade sources. One study found that ‘birds killed by cats had significantly lower mass, fat scores, and pectoral muscle mass scores’ than birds of the same species killed by cars or windows (Lepczyk 2009). These studies indicate that cats are catching what some biologists refer to as the “doomed surplus”—animals who would not have lived, and so whose death does not affect overall population levels.

Maintaining ecological balance is far more complicated than cats versus birds, predator versus prey. While cats sometimes might be the top predators in their environments, some of the animals they prey on are also predators, like rats. The predators who fall lower on the food chain are called mesopredators. They prey on certain species - in the case of rats, small or fledgling birds and bird eggs - while being prey to larger predators themselves (Prue et al 2009).

5. This proposal is unsuitable for Victoria’s open environmental system

According to a 2014 Tasmanian study, Australia is an open system and eradication of wild or stray cats is complicated by the greater diversity of non-target species and sheer space that needs to be covered. These systems are also very vulnerable to re-invasion of cats. Culling ‘may alleviate, but does not remove, the predation threat and impact on prey species.’ (Lazenby 2014) Re-invasion is inevitable, making this proposal a waste of taxpayer’s money.

The only documented “successful” effort to remove a population of cats occurred in a cruel program on uninhabited, sub-Antarctic Marion Island (Ratcliffe et al 2009). It took two decades and ruthless methods that are impossible to replicate in areas inhabited by people, including poisoning, hunting with guns, and introducing disease to clear the island of cats. As scientists tried each method, they noted “the recolonisation of preferred habitats, cleared of cats, from neighbouring suboptimal areas…” In other words, like the mountain lions, whenever they killed cats in the best habitats, the cats next door simply moved in. Lazenby (2014) also backs this up: ‘The greatest reductions in cat populations, including complete eradication, have been achieved on small islands where refuges are limited and immigration is non-existent.’

The Victorian Government would be more successful if it allocated resources to educating the community on de-sexing stray and household cats, provided incentives to councils for de-sexing programs and conducted trap-neuter-release on government land.

6. It is not possible to measure the success of this initiative, end-to-end

Monitoring the success of the Feral Cats Declaration will be next to impossible due to the ‘cryptic and wary behavior’ of cats. Lazenby (2014) states that ‘less invasive and humane techniques for monitoring abundance are required’, such as collection of hair samples, analysis of genetic markers and infrared cameras – all effective and readily available with recent advances in technology.  Lazenby also states that the results of the Tasmanian study ‘highlight the need for monitoring effectiveness of any operations that seek to reduce the impacts of feral cats.’

We do not see this proposal as much more than an attempt to cater to the cruel and inhumane hobby of shooting animals and killing them.

7. A waste of resources

Due to the lack of evidence for efficacy of cat culling, this is a colossal and unscientific waste of taxpayer money.

In conclusion, nobody sums up our argument better than Lazenby on his 2014 study in Tazmania:

‘The low-level culling effort we used did not constitute a sustained, multi-faceted, long-term downward pressure on our study populations, which may be required if culling is to be used in programs of feral-cat control (Braysher 1993; Olsen 1998; Hone 2007; Dickman et al. 2010). Rather, this study provides evidence that ad hoc culling of feral cats may be not only ineffective, but has the potential to increase the impact of feral cats in open populations. Even worse, the decline in numbers of cats trapped over the 13-month cull could have led to erroneous conclusions that the culling was effective if we had not been able to monitor the populations independently.’

We at our cat rescue urge you to reconsider this proposal as it would have catastrophic consequences for  wild, stray and potentially domesticated cats, as well as being a fiscally irresponsible, unpopular and unscientific action to take.

There is a bibliography - but let's face it, no one will read it. I would be happy to send to anyone interested.